Welllll......

My Social Worker arrived Sunday night and was here for near 3 hours. She was lovely, professional, direct, honest, compassionate and would happily do a HS update for me at the drop of a hat. She questioned my "motives", tested my knowledge of Ethiopia, the program, the new laws coming into effect, (PRIDE training, Bill C-14 etc.), really helped me do some STRONG soul searching. I am SO grateful she could come by. She was exactly the voice of knowledge, wisdom and reason I needed. Let's face it, I could NOT proceed without her, AND I could not let go of this without speaking to her. I want all avenues explored ... so that there will be no regrets.
Here's what I know now:
1) My daughter is PERFECT-really. She is smart, healthy, inquisitive, even miserable she is loveable. In essence, I hit the jackpot when I was blessed with her. I cannot re-live my adoption experience of receiving her.
2) The China adopt journey was amazing. The people who entered my life at that time--truly God's angels. I've already met some Ethio-Angels. Life is amazing.
3) We HAVE a very comfortable lifestyle--not abundant in anything, but not lacking either.
4) My daughter is CHINESE!
5)My second child would NOT be CHINESE (duh---actually, my SW was of value here pointing out that we live in a fairly diverse town very close to cities that are very diverse--so HOPEFULLY racism would not be an issue( and I am comfortable with that...but would my children be??Parents can't always be there when kids are ?'d by kids)
6)my heart has been leading me towards a 2nd child, but a level head is just as important.
She asked me if I was emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically ready/willing/able to add a 2nd child. Wavered on the emotional--because I am VERY emotional and the physical. Do I have the energy and stamina for a 2nd child??
Babies grow up!!(really??)Issues actually become harder. School bullying, homework, extra curricular activites etc.
My brilliant, kind, supportive SW said she would move heaven and earth to support me through this if I do decide to proceed.
She gave me advice on finances as well.
She also offered me another avenue than KL in that my first adoption agency is opening to Ethiopia. Immenently.
So....for now...here is what I am doing.
1) Updating my expired passport. Necessary.
2) Applying for a grant from Orphan's Hope. (can't HURT)
3) Applying for a line of credit
4) Contacted the Adoption Agency today-having a package sent ASAP.
5) Telling everyone I know about my "hopes" to adopt again. Prayer is POWERFUL!! (up until now only a few select people knew but I need some prayer troupes now so...)
6) Contact all my old references and give them the heads up
7) Having a 2nd interview with my SW early December. She feels strongly that we move on this now/soon (or let go of indefinitely)
8) AND start saving like crazy
She wants me going into this 150% committed, level headed, excited of course, but positively SURE that this is right for my family. For Olivia and I. For no REGRETS.
I think by doing these next few steps, I am arming myself with knowledge. Knowledge brings wisdom, and wisdom brings revelation. God knows my heart, but HE also knows my capabilites
so....
wish me luck!!
As a side note, I woke Monday morning completely rested. I felt a peace and calm I haven't felt in months. I feel really good that whatever decision I come to, will be the best decision for us, for now. I also realized that as I have been "pineing" over a 2nd child, I have gotten so caught up, that I have taken for granted how blessed I ALREADY AM. Olivia is incredible. She is. She is the light on a dark day. She is the laughter in my house. She is the warmth in my heart. She is a miracle.. dare I be so bold to believe for another miracle???