So....2 years later.....I just checked in. No one actually reads this blog....no 2nd sibling on the way. I had dreamt/prayed/read/researched etc....but alas not to be. Imagine Adoptions had been my next avenue (in 2008) and thank God I did not move on that as the went into finacial ruin in July 2009. Left some very good friends of mine in a state.
God alwasy has a plan. I know he has a plan for my life. One day....ther may be a sibling for Hui Hui...for now....we are blessed.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Months later
Well, I have done some serious soul searching. I have read all I can absorb. Spoken with many adoptive families, in various stages of adoption and really examined my heart. I really would welcome the blessing of another child. A son perhaps, but a child through adoption. A child a little older92-3.5) although I LOVE babies and that "goes by too quick!!" stage.
Things are "on hold" for now.
Hard to believe I just wrote that, but its true. My SW checks in with me periodocally, she knows my heart is not 100% sure of an only child, but I have not engaged her services. (officially)What I realized over this last few months of soul searching is something I alluded to earlier.I have actually sacrificed time with Olivia, thinking, pondering, and pining for another child. Not fair to her for sure but also not fair to myself.
Prayer is still my strongest hope.
Thanks to everyone cheering for us!!
Be blessed in your parenthood!
Things are "on hold" for now.
Hard to believe I just wrote that, but its true. My SW checks in with me periodocally, she knows my heart is not 100% sure of an only child, but I have not engaged her services. (officially)What I realized over this last few months of soul searching is something I alluded to earlier.I have actually sacrificed time with Olivia, thinking, pondering, and pining for another child. Not fair to her for sure but also not fair to myself.
Prayer is still my strongest hope.
Thanks to everyone cheering for us!!
Be blessed in your parenthood!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Welllll......
My Social Worker arrived Sunday night and was here for near 3 hours. She was lovely, professional, direct, honest, compassionate and would happily do a HS update for me at the drop of a hat. She questioned my "motives", tested my knowledge of Ethiopia, the program, the new laws coming into effect, (PRIDE training, Bill C-14 etc.), really helped me do some STRONG soul searching. I am SO grateful she could come by. She was exactly the voice of knowledge, wisdom and reason I needed. Let's face it, I could NOT proceed without her, AND I could not let go of this without speaking to her. I want all avenues explored ... so that there will be no regrets.
Here's what I know now:
1) My daughter is PERFECT-really. She is smart, healthy, inquisitive, even miserable she is loveable. In essence, I hit the jackpot when I was blessed with her. I cannot re-live my adoption experience of receiving her.
2) The China adopt journey was amazing. The people who entered my life at that time--truly God's angels. I've already met some Ethio-Angels. Life is amazing.
3) We HAVE a very comfortable lifestyle--not abundant in anything, but not lacking either.
4) My daughter is CHINESE!
5)My second child would NOT be CHINESE (duh---actually, my SW was of value here pointing out that we live in a fairly diverse town very close to cities that are very diverse--so HOPEFULLY racism would not be an issue( and I am comfortable with that...but would my children be??Parents can't always be there when kids are ?'d by kids)
6)my heart has been leading me towards a 2nd child, but a level head is just as important.
She asked me if I was emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically ready/willing/able to add a 2nd child. Wavered on the emotional--because I am VERY emotional and the physical. Do I have the energy and stamina for a 2nd child??
Babies grow up!!(really??)Issues actually become harder. School bullying, homework, extra curricular activites etc.
My brilliant, kind, supportive SW said she would move heaven and earth to support me through this if I do decide to proceed.
She gave me advice on finances as well.
She also offered me another avenue than KL in that my first adoption agency is opening to Ethiopia. Immenently.
So....for now...here is what I am doing.
1) Updating my expired passport. Necessary.
2) Applying for a grant from Orphan's Hope. (can't HURT)
3) Applying for a line of credit
4) Contacted the Adoption Agency today-having a package sent ASAP.
5) Telling everyone I know about my "hopes" to adopt again. Prayer is POWERFUL!! (up until now only a few select people knew but I need some prayer troupes now so...)
6) Contact all my old references and give them the heads up
7) Having a 2nd interview with my SW early December. She feels strongly that we move on this now/soon (or let go of indefinitely)
8) AND start saving like crazy
She wants me going into this 150% committed, level headed, excited of course, but positively SURE that this is right for my family. For Olivia and I. For no REGRETS.
I think by doing these next few steps, I am arming myself with knowledge. Knowledge brings wisdom, and wisdom brings revelation. God knows my heart, but HE also knows my capabilites
so....
wish me luck!!
As a side note, I woke Monday morning completely rested. I felt a peace and calm I haven't felt in months. I feel really good that whatever decision I come to, will be the best decision for us, for now. I also realized that as I have been "pineing" over a 2nd child, I have gotten so caught up, that I have taken for granted how blessed I ALREADY AM. Olivia is incredible. She is. She is the light on a dark day. She is the laughter in my house. She is the warmth in my heart. She is a miracle.. dare I be so bold to believe for another miracle???
Here's what I know now:
1) My daughter is PERFECT-really. She is smart, healthy, inquisitive, even miserable she is loveable. In essence, I hit the jackpot when I was blessed with her. I cannot re-live my adoption experience of receiving her.
2) The China adopt journey was amazing. The people who entered my life at that time--truly God's angels. I've already met some Ethio-Angels. Life is amazing.
3) We HAVE a very comfortable lifestyle--not abundant in anything, but not lacking either.
4) My daughter is CHINESE!
5)My second child would NOT be CHINESE (duh---actually, my SW was of value here pointing out that we live in a fairly diverse town very close to cities that are very diverse--so HOPEFULLY racism would not be an issue( and I am comfortable with that...but would my children be??Parents can't always be there when kids are ?'d by kids)
6)my heart has been leading me towards a 2nd child, but a level head is just as important.
She asked me if I was emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically ready/willing/able to add a 2nd child. Wavered on the emotional--because I am VERY emotional and the physical. Do I have the energy and stamina for a 2nd child??
Babies grow up!!(really??)Issues actually become harder. School bullying, homework, extra curricular activites etc.
My brilliant, kind, supportive SW said she would move heaven and earth to support me through this if I do decide to proceed.
She gave me advice on finances as well.
She also offered me another avenue than KL in that my first adoption agency is opening to Ethiopia. Immenently.
So....for now...here is what I am doing.
1) Updating my expired passport. Necessary.
2) Applying for a grant from Orphan's Hope. (can't HURT)
3) Applying for a line of credit
4) Contacted the Adoption Agency today-having a package sent ASAP.
5) Telling everyone I know about my "hopes" to adopt again. Prayer is POWERFUL!! (up until now only a few select people knew but I need some prayer troupes now so...)
6) Contact all my old references and give them the heads up
7) Having a 2nd interview with my SW early December. She feels strongly that we move on this now/soon (or let go of indefinitely)
8) AND start saving like crazy
She wants me going into this 150% committed, level headed, excited of course, but positively SURE that this is right for my family. For Olivia and I. For no REGRETS.
I think by doing these next few steps, I am arming myself with knowledge. Knowledge brings wisdom, and wisdom brings revelation. God knows my heart, but HE also knows my capabilites
so....
wish me luck!!
As a side note, I woke Monday morning completely rested. I felt a peace and calm I haven't felt in months. I feel really good that whatever decision I come to, will be the best decision for us, for now. I also realized that as I have been "pineing" over a 2nd child, I have gotten so caught up, that I have taken for granted how blessed I ALREADY AM. Olivia is incredible. She is. She is the light on a dark day. She is the laughter in my house. She is the warmth in my heart. She is a miracle.. dare I be so bold to believe for another miracle???
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
The Social Worker is Coming!!!
My/our SW is great!! Personable, professional, gorgeous and an all around cheerleader type. Oh yeah, she KNOWS her adoption "stuff" too. So we have been playing phone tag since the summer when she wanted to drop in to have a visit. Just that, a visit. We haven't seen her in over a year and a half. She really develops a lifelong relationship with her clients and as vivacious as she is, I adore her. So I called her last week, she has call display but took my call despite preparing a dinner party for her son's college buddies.(Cooking for 20-20year olds) We chatted briefly, she could "sense" something from me. Asked immediately about my health, my mom's, my brothers, nieces and nephews. Once it was clear that things are fine with me, she asked me to call her next week. I mentioned Tuesday. Yeap great, good day for her. Well, I chickened out yesterday. WHY? WELL....I am in overdraft for sh.. sakes, what the hell do I need a SW for??? Turns out I DO NEED HER!! She is the voice I need. No she hasn't offered to float me an adoption, nor has she offered to move in with me to help with the house and bills. She is coming to chat openly, honestly as a friend first, a professional close second on a....dare I say it, second adoption. An Ethiopian adoption. Her primary experience is domestic/China equally, but she has experience with Russia and Ethiopia too. She has worked with KL. SHE KNOWS ME!! She is big supporter of me!! She can give me the facts as she sees them....and she has put me as a "priority" that's why she is meeting with mom and I on Sunday night. She is already going to be in town, she's coming by. Olivia will be in bed and we will be able to talk openly. She wants my mom present for the obvious reason that my mother lives with me, and is "witness" to the parent I am, and who I could be to two children. Mom will also be impacted( greatly) if another little kid moves in.
What she told me is that my update would be quick. Nothing has changed. My employment, my house, marital status-everything is the same. Biggest issue is ....$$ followed closely by fear. (planted by the devil no less)
What I told her was this:
1) I attended a KL seminar in April
2) Met and networked through blogging several Cdn families with Ethiopian babes
3) Attended a summer picnic with families "with" kids from Ethiopia
4)CANNOT stop thinking about a second child
5) I have NO funds in sight for this second adoption although I am sure "loanable"
6) I do not want to look back on my life and regret the what ifs
7) I can totally see me raising a boy. 2years or older (younger that Olivia though)
8) I cannot let this go until I have spoken to her about it
So she is coming with the intentions of sorting it out and either moving on it ASAP (as in, including today's phone conversation) OR letting it go.....indefinitely. Not saying forever because I do not know what the far off future holds, but for this time. For now.
Phew Sunday--good thing I have a busy week. Otherwise I may have been tempted to put it off. Ok -now's the time for a windfall someone!
What she told me is that my update would be quick. Nothing has changed. My employment, my house, marital status-everything is the same. Biggest issue is ....$$ followed closely by fear. (planted by the devil no less)
What I told her was this:
1) I attended a KL seminar in April
2) Met and networked through blogging several Cdn families with Ethiopian babes
3) Attended a summer picnic with families "with" kids from Ethiopia
4)CANNOT stop thinking about a second child
5) I have NO funds in sight for this second adoption although I am sure "loanable"
6) I do not want to look back on my life and regret the what ifs
7) I can totally see me raising a boy. 2years or older (younger that Olivia though)
8) I cannot let this go until I have spoken to her about it
So she is coming with the intentions of sorting it out and either moving on it ASAP (as in, including today's phone conversation) OR letting it go.....indefinitely. Not saying forever because I do not know what the far off future holds, but for this time. For now.
Phew Sunday--good thing I have a busy week. Otherwise I may have been tempted to put it off. Ok -now's the time for a windfall someone!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Signs and Messages
Sunday is family day...and Church day. I have attended KCF since 1996 and it is the only church Olivia knows as "home". Of course we've been to other services--like my BF's ordination service, a baptism service for my god-daughter and weddings, so Olivia knows other churches, but she knows KCF to be home. Today as we were turning the corner to enter the parking lot we saw this weeks motivational meesage on the sign. It read: "Don't let regrets become your dreams". It reads a tad odd just now but in essence chase your dreams so they don't end up being regrets. UUUM.
There was a Water Baptism service this morning where 3 people chose to be baptised. Pastor Dave officiates for baptisms. All the kids-5 in total with the nieces and nephews- were trying to get a better seat on my lap so to see the baptism. I missed the biblical reference Dave quoted but he spoke of an "Ethiopian" that came across a water baptism and wanting to follow Jesus, was baptised right then and there. Uuuum, Pastor Dave did you say "Ethiopian"?
Pastor Steve takes over and begins to preach. Our focus this while has been on Faith. How to have it but also to receive it. Just as important. I always take notes. And drat when I don't have functioning pen. But doesn' t Pastor Steve quote Gal. 4:4-6...."that we might receive the adoption as sons."
OK--so I am now totally not listening and have actually heard "adoption OF sons". Yeah ok-so clarified the verse but...come on...grasping here folks.
As we left service, I had Adryan, Courtney and Olivia with me (my S-I-L was steps behind) Pastor Steve bent way over (he's about 6ft plus) and gave a group hug squeeze. The children LOVE Pastor Steve--and that's because he has a heart for children and is not afraid to show it. I commented that he does pretty well to bend that far over to grab these kids and he rises up to hug me, saying how much Olivia LOOKS like me. (And she does) He continues saying, something about me being Asian. To that I answered, "well my next child -from Ethiopia- definitely will not look like me-unless for the chubby cheeks" His response was positive. Nothing I can quote because it was just a moment...a glance...another squeeze and chuckle...my S-I-L heard it too. Planting the seed. Looking desparately for signs. I'd say today was full of them.
During supper--tacos for the first time--Olivia was munching away and out of the blue says, "Gabriel". My mother and I just looked at each other. I asked Olivia to repeat what she said, she shrugged and repeated it but claims she doesn't know where she heard it or if she knows a Gabriel or not. Insuggnificant to her, right. BUT way odd to me. She could've over heard us...but neither of us thinks she did, since I have curbed the sibling talk for the last few months. And only entertain conversations with my mom when Olivia is asleep.
Uuum. Five years ago, I was starting a homestudy to adopt Olivia. Is September a lucky month?? uuugh!!
There was a Water Baptism service this morning where 3 people chose to be baptised. Pastor Dave officiates for baptisms. All the kids-5 in total with the nieces and nephews- were trying to get a better seat on my lap so to see the baptism. I missed the biblical reference Dave quoted but he spoke of an "Ethiopian" that came across a water baptism and wanting to follow Jesus, was baptised right then and there. Uuuum, Pastor Dave did you say "Ethiopian"?
Pastor Steve takes over and begins to preach. Our focus this while has been on Faith. How to have it but also to receive it. Just as important. I always take notes. And drat when I don't have functioning pen. But doesn' t Pastor Steve quote Gal. 4:4-6...."that we might receive the adoption as sons."
OK--so I am now totally not listening and have actually heard "adoption OF sons". Yeah ok-so clarified the verse but...come on...grasping here folks.
As we left service, I had Adryan, Courtney and Olivia with me (my S-I-L was steps behind) Pastor Steve bent way over (he's about 6ft plus) and gave a group hug squeeze. The children LOVE Pastor Steve--and that's because he has a heart for children and is not afraid to show it. I commented that he does pretty well to bend that far over to grab these kids and he rises up to hug me, saying how much Olivia LOOKS like me. (And she does) He continues saying, something about me being Asian. To that I answered, "well my next child -from Ethiopia- definitely will not look like me-unless for the chubby cheeks" His response was positive. Nothing I can quote because it was just a moment...a glance...another squeeze and chuckle...my S-I-L heard it too. Planting the seed. Looking desparately for signs. I'd say today was full of them.
During supper--tacos for the first time--Olivia was munching away and out of the blue says, "Gabriel". My mother and I just looked at each other. I asked Olivia to repeat what she said, she shrugged and repeated it but claims she doesn't know where she heard it or if she knows a Gabriel or not. Insuggnificant to her, right. BUT way odd to me. She could've over heard us...but neither of us thinks she did, since I have curbed the sibling talk for the last few months. And only entertain conversations with my mom when Olivia is asleep.
Uuum. Five years ago, I was starting a homestudy to adopt Olivia. Is September a lucky month?? uuugh!!
Friday, September 21, 2007
What's in a name?
My mom caught me off guard tonight when she suggested a boys name. She loves the "name game" as much as I do, but to out of the blue offer up a boys name was a wee bit odd. She hasn't asked me about my "plans". (Plans-insinuates THERE is one but...) She hasn't hounded me. She hasn't really said much. She adores Olivia. She adores all of her grandchildren. For her, a second child for me would mean a 6th grandchild for her. And a 3rd boy. An even team of bambino's. But she is not pushing. She is actually quite open to this thought/dream. I find great reassurance in this because of everyone I know, who knows me as a mother, she (and Olivia) would the person closest who can see my abilities. My coping mechanisms. My meltdowns. My impatience. AND yet she still believes I could be a parent to two children. And a boy at that. So just for fun here are some boys names that have always been on my list. (You know- the list I'd need when Mr. Right Fantabulous appears and sweeps me off my feet, marries me, knocks me up and then says, "Honey, YOU should be a stay at home mom for our 6 kids" Kiss, squeeze, hug--THAT list)
Benjamin
Leander
Logan
Silas
Jack-William ( this one is a hyphenated name representing 2 important family members)
Joseph
Gabriel
Nigel
Ezra
Samuel
Simon
Well that's enough for sure. Receiving a son through adoption would mean he'd already have a name, so I would do as I did with Olivia. Wait for picture Referral to meet/see his picture. Find out his given name and the meaning behind it and then decide whether or not to alter it. I was really set for Olivia--I had just dreamt that long about it. And while she has quite the "handle" it flows really well combining my choice and her Chinese given name. Her name also reflects her heritage, so I would only strive to do that for a second child.
Mom came up with Gabriel tonight. Olivia Hui Hui and Gabriel. Sounds nice, doesn't it?
Benjamin
Leander
Logan
Silas
Jack-William ( this one is a hyphenated name representing 2 important family members)
Joseph
Gabriel
Nigel
Ezra
Samuel
Simon
Well that's enough for sure. Receiving a son through adoption would mean he'd already have a name, so I would do as I did with Olivia. Wait for picture Referral to meet/see his picture. Find out his given name and the meaning behind it and then decide whether or not to alter it. I was really set for Olivia--I had just dreamt that long about it. And while she has quite the "handle" it flows really well combining my choice and her Chinese given name. Her name also reflects her heritage, so I would only strive to do that for a second child.
Mom came up with Gabriel tonight. Olivia Hui Hui and Gabriel. Sounds nice, doesn't it?
Sunday, September 16, 2007
PINK or BLUE???
I changed the colour for this blog because my heart yearns for a wee boy. This has taken me off guard as I was not open to this when I was adopting Olivia. Well, honestly the idea/option never came up by either my agency or SW that I could receive a boy, so I pursued my daughter. I really wanted a baby girl. Always have. And I requested just that. "A healthy baby girl under the age of 12 months"---yes you know the one--in aisle 9!! I have a bit more insight, wisdom and OPINION if I could arrange a second adoption. I would blessed by a CHILD under the age of 2.5 years. I would leave it up to the fates of Heaven. Gods angels. They are everywhere. Pink or Blue?? Well, why not green and yellow? Periwinkle even.
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