Signs and Messages

Sunday is family day...and Church day. I have attended KCF since 1996 and it is the only church Olivia knows as "home". Of course we've been to other services--like my BF's ordination service, a baptism service for my god-daughter and weddings, so Olivia knows other churches, but she knows KCF to be home. Today as we were turning the corner to enter the parking lot we saw this weeks motivational meesage on the sign. It read: "Don't let regrets become your dreams". It reads a tad odd just now but in essence chase your dreams so they don't end up being regrets. UUUM.

There was a Water Baptism service this morning where 3 people chose to be baptised. Pastor Dave officiates for baptisms. All the kids-5 in total with the nieces and nephews- were trying to get a better seat on my lap so to see the baptism. I missed the biblical reference Dave quoted but he spoke of an "Ethiopian" that came across a water baptism and wanting to follow Jesus, was baptised right then and there. Uuuum, Pastor Dave did you say "Ethiopian"?

Pastor Steve takes over and begins to preach. Our focus this while has been on Faith. How to have it but also to receive it. Just as important. I always take notes. And drat when I don't have functioning pen. But doesn' t Pastor Steve quote Gal. 4:4-6...."that we might receive the adoption as sons."
OK--so I am now totally not listening and have actually heard "adoption OF sons". Yeah ok-so clarified the verse but...come on...grasping here folks.
As we left service, I had Adryan, Courtney and Olivia with me (my S-I-L was steps behind) Pastor Steve bent way over (he's about 6ft plus) and gave a group hug squeeze. The children LOVE Pastor Steve--and that's because he has a heart for children and is not afraid to show it. I commented that he does pretty well to bend that far over to grab these kids and he rises up to hug me, saying how much Olivia LOOKS like me. (And she does) He continues saying, something about me being Asian. To that I answered, "well my next child -from Ethiopia- definitely will not look like me-unless for the chubby cheeks" His response was positive. Nothing I can quote because it was just a moment...a glance...another squeeze and chuckle...my S-I-L heard it too. Planting the seed. Looking desparately for signs. I'd say today was full of them.
During supper--tacos for the first time--Olivia was munching away and out of the blue says, "Gabriel". My mother and I just looked at each other. I asked Olivia to repeat what she said, she shrugged and repeated it but claims she doesn't know where she heard it or if she knows a Gabriel or not. Insuggnificant to her, right. BUT way odd to me. She could've over heard us...but neither of us thinks she did, since I have curbed the sibling talk for the last few months. And only entertain conversations with my mom when Olivia is asleep.
Uuum. Five years ago, I was starting a homestudy to adopt Olivia. Is September a lucky month?? uuugh!!

What's in a name?

My mom caught me off guard tonight when she suggested a boys name. She loves the "name game" as much as I do, but to out of the blue offer up a boys name was a wee bit odd. She hasn't asked me about my "plans". (Plans-insinuates THERE is one but...) She hasn't hounded me. She hasn't really said much. She adores Olivia. She adores all of her grandchildren. For her, a second child for me would mean a 6th grandchild for her. And a 3rd boy. An even team of bambino's. But she is not pushing. She is actually quite open to this thought/dream. I find great reassurance in this because of everyone I know, who knows me as a mother, she (and Olivia) would the person closest who can see my abilities. My coping mechanisms. My meltdowns. My impatience. AND yet she still believes I could be a parent to two children. And a boy at that. So just for fun here are some boys names that have always been on my list. (You know- the list I'd need when Mr. Right Fantabulous appears and sweeps me off my feet, marries me, knocks me up and then says, "Honey, YOU should be a stay at home mom for our 6 kids" Kiss, squeeze, hug--THAT list)
Benjamin
Leander
Logan
Silas
Jack-William ( this one is a hyphenated name representing 2 important family members)
Joseph
Gabriel
Nigel
Ezra
Samuel
Simon
Well that's enough for sure. Receiving a son through adoption would mean he'd already have a name, so I would do as I did with Olivia. Wait for picture Referral to meet/see his picture. Find out his given name and the meaning behind it and then decide whether or not to alter it. I was really set for Olivia--I had just dreamt that long about it. And while she has quite the "handle" it flows really well combining my choice and her Chinese given name. Her name also reflects her heritage, so I would only strive to do that for a second child.
Mom came up with Gabriel tonight. Olivia Hui Hui and Gabriel. Sounds nice, doesn't it?

PINK or BLUE???

I changed the colour for this blog because my heart yearns for a wee boy. This has taken me off guard as I was not open to this when I was adopting Olivia. Well, honestly the idea/option never came up by either my agency or SW that I could receive a boy, so I pursued my daughter. I really wanted a baby girl. Always have. And I requested just that. "A healthy baby girl under the age of 12 months"---yes you know the one--in aisle 9!! I have a bit more insight, wisdom and OPINION if I could arrange a second adoption. I would blessed by a CHILD under the age of 2.5 years. I would leave it up to the fates of Heaven. Gods angels. They are everywhere. Pink or Blue?? Well, why not green and yellow? Periwinkle even.

Blogging

I have had the pleasure this last few months to come across some wonderful blogs. All of them are adoption related. Either China, Vietnam or Ethiopian adoption. A common thread in all of these blogs is the sincere desire for a child. Most of these parents-to-be are first time parents and just starting the process or are in the early waiting stage. It is an amazing way to document the wait, the stress, the anxiety offered by building your family through International Adoption. Most people are very honest and open to comments. As well, there is a whole community of people cheering one another on. It is for this reason that I value adoption as I do. Adoption meets the needs of several parties all at once. The wanna be parents, the child without a home, and the orphanges that are full to capacity. When I adopted Olivia, there was no opportunity to visit her orphanage. AND there was no real explanation as to WHY we would not be invited in. I would have loved this chance to see first hand where Olivia lived her first 10 months but it was unimportant in the grand scheme -at the time. Olivia was healthy, in new clothing, clean, plump and obviously well cared for by her workers at her orphanage. All of the babies were in great condition. We were blessed to receive these children in the manner that we did, we were not going to challenge seeing the orphanage.
The blogs I read about Ethiopia, there is not only the opportunity to visit the orphanage, but also the chance to meet a birth mother. Visit with her and your new child. What a blessing that would be. I can hardly imagine this for Olivia. That would be a dream. Meeting her mother, holding her hand, our souls speaking, mine in awe of her scarifice and in humble thanks. Well that's what I imagine, anyway. I will never know--and therefore Olivia will never know the circumstances of her adoption placement. This is a piece of information you receive when adopting from Ethiopia. It is a completely different program.

I attended an Ethiopian families picnic with Olivia last weekend. It was awesome. The weather was great and there were many families there. Lots of wee babes just home and several families waiting to go. Interestingly, there were 3 in total, single moms with daughters from China in attendance. All of us looking, dreaming, pursuing a second child. A child from Ethiopia. My decision is no closer--although I am acutely aware that I CANNOT sit indefinitely- after seeing these families. I am praying continually. AND reading blogs. This has been very helpful. Thanks

My smilely boys--say cheese!! Auntie Weez has FINALLY figured photo posting OUT!!

MY Nephew--Adryan

I have two nephews. Devyn is 7.5 and Adryan is 2.5. Both boys are blonde blue eyed, wonders of God. I always say that, "Devyn is sent from heaven".He is our first baby. Both boys are awesome, intelligent, active, curious, LOVING individuals. My baby brother and his wife are blessed with 4 healthy, bright, beautiful children. The girls, Sydney, 5 and Courtney, 3 are also gems but since this post is about my wee Adryan--I will exhault them at a later time. We had the boys for a sleep over on the long weekend. Even with two adults in the house, we feel 3 children is enough for my mom and I to handle so we break the sleepovers up. (girls sleepover later) Adryan spent the whole time yakking away in "Adryanize". He talks constantly but slurs still as some 2.5 year olds do. He had me laughing the whole time. "WEEETHZ--you're not my buddy", "Feel my muscthles"-then he'd punch me! ouch! "weeethz-me no love you" " excuthz me, whosth whip whops??" (flip flops!!) By morning, he was saying "aww weethz I LOVE you" followed by kisses and hugs. "me go in weethz van" "me live at weethz housthe" I tell you, I could HARDLY imagine loving a child as much as I love my brother's children. They are truly a blessing. Olivia adores her cousins-all of them. She has a special relationship with each of them individually. But I can see that she is also partial to Adryan. He is THAT amazing. My Adryan--our last family baby, he is everything boy and then some. He is a light in our family. A light that makes me want my very own boy. One that lives at my "housthe".